you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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