i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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