I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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