I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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