Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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