When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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