I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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