Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just high enough for therapy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
