i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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