i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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