i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
vagina is talking i cant
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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