What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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