I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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