I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
