I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
