Im at strip club and am horny
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
