I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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