I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
