i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize