i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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