I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
