Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
