ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
