by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
