Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
