I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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