i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
