so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
