Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
