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First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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