If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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