omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
