i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
