if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just threw up on my dentist
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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