so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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