so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
