imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
