Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
