this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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