I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
