I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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