respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
