Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
