Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
