whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
