I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
