I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
