Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
