Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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