had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
