so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
