Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
