Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
