you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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