there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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