I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
