Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize