wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
