Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
