my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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