eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
