At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the liver wants what the liver wants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
