i permit you to call me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
