Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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