I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize