Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
