Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
