He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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