I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
