New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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