I just threw up on my dentist
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Farmville is her only friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Randomize
