I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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