he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
