I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize