A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
