Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
