I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
