I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
